Compulsive sexual behaviors are a symptom, not a root cause.

Aloha Friends,

Connecting with God isn’t an easy task for all of us. Perhaps you read the practical activity in the last email to cultivate a deeper awareness of God by being in nature and felt unmoved.

We are not offended by that at all.

The reality is that our ability to perceive God is often connected to how we view Him, and that understanding is shaped in our early years. The relationships we have with parents or guardians, peers, and our community profoundly influence how we relate to both people and God later in life.

Over time we have learned that many struggles with addiction, and compulsive sexual behaviors are deeply connected to loneliness, trauma, and isolation. Those experiences lead to distrust in self, others and even God. The story I am about to share helped me understand that reality in a profound way.

Before we continue, I want to acknowledge that this message touches on experiences of trauma and addiction. If this is personal for you, please take care of yourself as you read.

I have been reflecting on a beloved friend whose story deeply shaped the way I understand God’s compassion and the complexity of human pain. He had quietly struggled with addiction and compulsive sexual behaviors for many years before the depth of his pain became visible to those around him. His wife divorced him and relationships in his life had become deeply strained because of the weight of addiction. He was homeless for some time before agreeing to get help.

He had been in rehab out of state and called me one day out of the blue expressing so much gratitude for the way Jesus loved and forgave him. He had such joy and confidence in this truth.

I know in my heart that he experienced a true salvation experience.

On the call, he began to confess deeply personal things to me about his sexual addictions that shocked me. It all led back to a childhood experience where he had been exposed to pornography and sexually exploited by an older teen boy, an experience no child should ever have to endure. This traumatic experience led to hypersexual behaviors and unhealthy coping strategies that followed him till the end of his life.

But the resounding message of the call was that he experienced a profound sense of freedom and hope as he allowed the love of Christ to reach places in his heart that had long been hidden in shame. I will forever hold on to that conversation.

For so many years of his life, he lived in isolation because of his experience. His story changed the way I approach and view those who struggle with substance abuse, mental health and sexual addictions. This is also why we started to dig deeper into the roots of pornography addiction, hypersexuality and compulsive behaviors - discovering that loneliness and isolation play a big part.

My hope is that more young people don't have to wait until the pain becomes unbearable before they find help and that the Church will be ready when that time comes. My friend's story has burdened me to be more discerning, vigilant and prepared to respond with love - not instant condemnation or judgement when I meet someone in need. Everyone needs to know the love of our God TODAY.

It is well documented that child sexual abuse and compulsive sexual behavior have a high correlation. When you add emotional neglect from an absent parent or guardian, the likelihood of these adverse behaviors increases. ( You can view some of the research here)

Jesus bridged the gap between man and God so that we can all find belonging again with our Creator. Yet it is in community and fellowship that we find healing, meaning and strength to endure through the sharing of burdens, confession, prayer and ultimately - the fulfillment of Jesus’ word.

^“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35 NIV)

For many people, especially those who have experienced pain or betrayal in relationships, trusting God can take time. That journey deserves patience and grace. This is why the greatest in God’s Kingdom are those who desire the lowest position: the foot washers, the servants, and all who follow the Jesus way as Ministers of reconciliation. Just like our Savior, we can step into human brokenness and pain to offer relief and ministry by the Spirit of God within us.

We are all needed. One of the greatest antidotes against our own loneliness and isolation is service.

A special note: struggling with addiction is isolating for everyone it touches, including loved ones. If you are a parent or loved one of someone who is fighting this battle, please know that we see you and God sees you. May you find community and fellowship to surround you with love or may you find the strength to become that community and start a movement. I also received permission from my friend's mother to share his story, she desires to see others saved and restored through her son's story.

God bless everyone who serves in recovery, food pantries, social services and all forms of ministry.

Next week, we will look at possible signs that someone is struggling with feelings of loneliness, abandonment or neglect and how to best respond. 

Sincerely,

Joshua and the Explicit Movement Ohana.