Abandonment: These fears are foundational to this stronghold

Aloha Friends,

In our last email we mentioned that we would explore the language of loneliness and how someone's words can reflect their struggle. Abandonment, rejection, and neglect are all traumatic experiences that shape our thoughts, words and actions.

Today, we will take a look at abandonment.

At its core, abandonment is a form of loneliness that develops when someone begins to believe they are not safe in relationships or not worthy of love. This is often a stronghold that strengthened over time after experiencing abandonment by parents, guardians or loved ones.

This lie is then affirmed throughout the course of a person's life through newer relationships adding "brick by brick" to this stronghold and it's limiting beliefs. Keep in mind, we are talking about this because the fruit of such a stronghold is revealed in relationship patterns, compulsive sexual behaviors, porn consumption and more.

Researchers who study relational trauma often point to three underlying fears that surface in people who have experienced abandonment:

• Fear of being left

• Fear of being unworthy of love

• Fear of being alone

Abandonment doesn’t just live in the heart; it shows up in language.

Certain words and phrases appear again and again in conversations with people who carry these wounds. Listening carefully can help us recognize when someone might be struggling beneath the surface.

Download and save some of these common phrases HERE.

Words That Often Reveal Hidden Loneliness

People experiencing abandonment wounds frequently use language connected to rejection, insecurity, or relational fear. These are just a small sample and many of them hit close to home for me, personally.

Words connected to rejection may include:

• left

• abandoned

• forgotten

• ignored

• replaced

• rejected

• unwanted

• invisible

• disposable

Words connected to insecurity or self-worth may sound like:

• not enough

• unlovable

• worthless

• broken

• flawed

Words connected to relational anxiety may include:

• lose

• leave

• disappear

• distance

• drift

• pull away

These words often surface when someone is describing their relationships or anticipating rejection before it even happens.

Sometimes the most powerful ministry is not preaching a sermon, but simply offering presence, listening well, speaking truth, and reminding someone that:

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35)

Our hope is that these emails help prepare you to respond to what researchers are calling the loneliest generation so far - Gen Z.

Next week, we will share what rejection CAN sound like.

Grace and peace,

Joshua and the Explicit Movement ʻOhana