When Pride Becomes a Shield

Dear Friends,

We are halfway through a month of promise. Every time I see a rainbow I am reminded of the promises of God that saved a wretched sinner like me.

I (Joshua) once had a female alter-ego that I created at the age of 15. When I turned 30, my life was not what I expected it to be, so I thought it would be a great time to fully embrace that female persona. I started to devise a great medical metamorphosis that began with a financial overhaul to afford it.

Of course, that didn’t happen because God loved me too much to leave me in my sin and shame. A few years after re-committing my life to Jesus, being healed of gender dysphoria and leaving behind the gay label, I had an open vision. I saw a bright light and before the bright light I saw “Naomi”. Jesus was graciously and gently taking my created image away. I wept – not because I was sad but because of His great mercy. He didn’t burn it up and tear it to pieces, it was like the light enveloped her. A reconciling of a false part of me with His truth.

Oh how He loves us!

You see, Holy Spirit knew something I didn’t even know yet. Naomi was my shield, and a false protector that younger me created to deal with shame, guilt and rejection - from God as well as man.

At the root of many LGBTQ+ identities lies a protective pride, not arrogance.

Here’s what that can look like:

• A child who didn’t feel accepted for who they were begins building a new identity where they are in control of how they’re seen.

• A teen who experienced trauma, bullying, or abandonment finds acceptance in communities that don’t shame them but validate their pain.

• A person who never felt “safe” in traditional family or church spaces embraces a new label, not necessarily out of defiance, but as a shield from further hurt. This was me. I knew I was attracted to boys and that was a sin worthy of hell.

My thought process: So, what if I was born in the wrong body and God made a mistake? I am not gay; I am just a girl in the wrong body (this was where the stronghold began to take shape).

This is not to minimize the spiritual battle or the importance of truth—but we must realize:

Pride can be the armor people wear to survive rejection.

When we attack the armor, we often miss the wound. And when we focus solely on behavior (sexual expression, pronouns, lifestyle), we can accidentally reinforce the very pain we were called to heal.

Before we can disciple someone into truth, we must disciple them into trust. And trust starts with listening.

Reflection Questions for Parents & Leaders:

• Am I trying to fix behavior before healing the wound?

• Can I recognize where fear or shame might be hiding behind someone’s identity expression?

• What would it look like to love first and confront later?

Look for next weeks email where I talk about confronting pride with the wisdom beyond that of a serpent and gentleness like a dove.

Aloha Pumehana,

Explicit Movement Ohana