The Following is an excerpt from the Explicit 21-Day Journal...
FINALLY FULFILLED
By Brittni De La Mora
I had blonde hair and braces. I was terrified as I spun around the pole at the strip club in Mexico for the first time at the age of 16. “What am I doing? How did I end up here?” I thought. Life had taken a sudden turn, but as I heard the applause of people cheering me on as I took my shirt off, I thought I had finally found what my soul had been hungering for…affirmation.
Growing up in my household I never heard the words, “I am proud of you. I love you. You’re doing an amazing job.” I was a straight A-student, I should have heard those words. Instead I heard, “I hate you! I wish you were never born. You’re a loser.” These words broke me of all courage and robbed me of my confidence. I didn’t know who I was nor what I was purposed for on this earth.
The day I realized my life had no real meaning was the day my search began. I knew I wanted to find love, but I had no idea what that even looked like, nor where to find it. After jumping from man to man ending in heartbreak after heartbreak, I ended up in the strip club. That night I received so much affirmation, I thought I had finally found my purpose in life. I also thought I had found real true love. Never in my life had I been more affirmed than I was that night in the strip club. The affirmation made me feel like I finally belonged somewhere, I didn’t feel like a reject in the strip club. I felt wanted.
At 18-years old, the strip club led me into the adult film industry where I was named one of the world’s hottest porn stars. However, something was still missing. Suddenly, what once fed my hunger now left me hungry. Affirmation was no longer enough to feed my soul. I needed something more, something greater than myself.
I imagine this must be how the Samaritan woman must have felt prior to encountering Jesus at the well. After five failed marriages and having a live-in boyfriend, it is clear to me she was looking for love in all the wrong places. Like me, she was feeding her soul with what was never designed to feed it. Like the Samaritan woman, Jesus came to my rescue. He fed me everything I had ever hungered for. He showed me a love so deep, it made every other ounce of love I had ever received appear so shallow.
When we hunger and thirst for God, it is then and only then we will be filled. When the woman at the well encountered Jesus, her life was forever changed. She was fed living water that created life within her....