By Damon Gohata
The following is an excerpt from the 21-Day Interactive Journal...
Weak. Powerless. Who would want these words to describe them? I certainly didn’t, but how are you supposed to feel when you are pulling yourself out of a trash can after being mistaken for a 7th grader by a classmate when I was 13? I hated the way I felt about myself, so I used accomplishments to build walls around my heart to protect it from the pain.
I got pretty good at building walls too. By age 35, I had the life I had always dreamed about growing up. I had all of my boxes checked. Still going to church every week. Check. Graduated College. Check. Completed seminary school. Check. On church staff. Check. Running a relatively successful business. Check. Hot wife, 3 kids, house. Check, check, check. I was living the life I wanted, so why was it that most of the year I was having panic attacks, anxious about my marriage, my business, my relationships, and feeling totally disconnected from other people and God?
I realized that the walls I built did not heal my heart, they just hid it. Walls don’t discriminate, they keep everything out. I had built so many walls in my life to protect my heart from pain, but they also kept me from being able to fully be loved by God or by anyone else. Somewhere I believed that my accomplishments and checking off all my boxes would bring fulfillment and bring me closer to God.
God wants my heart, not my walls. There is power in vulnerability. Being real with yourself, others you trust, and God. Vulnerability is a vital ingredient in developing intimacy with God in your journey through life.
The Lord LOVES to break through our walls. Beloved, behind those walls lies the seeds of
the treasure within you that God wants to release through you. Yes, it is scary! Yes, it feels safer and more comfortable behind the walls we build, but with courage and God’s power, healing and transformation awaits you—and an intimacy with the Lord that are like deep waters.
Did you know you can be angry with God and express it to him? His heart is so huge, and He already understands you so completely, that you are NEVER too much for Him. You can lament and weep to Him, laugh and dance with Him, and share with Him your deepest secrets and fears. He wants you to simply come as you are to Him. No performance necessary or wanted. He just wants you.
Open the door of your heart to Him—He is your safe place. God loves you so much that you can come to Him just as you are. His relentless love for you will mature and grow you into who you were created to be. Come and just ‘be’ in His Presence. He awaits you!