From Escape to Abiding: The Final Key to Freedom

Aloha Friends,

Over the last few weeks, we’ve uncovered some of the hidden roots that drive young people toward pornography: emotional avoidance, loneliness, shame, compulsion, and trauma. Today, we come to the final one: control and escape.

For many youth, pornography becomes a way to feel in control - “I choose when I feel good.” For others, it’s an escape hatch - “I’ll disappear from my pain, even if just for a moment.”

But both are built on lies:

• “I’m safer when I’m in charge.”

• “I’ll be okay only if I can get away from here.”

The gospel gives us a far better promise:

• Control surrenders to Lordship. “Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)

• Escape yields to Emmanuel. God is with us, right here, in the middle of our struggle (Matthew 1:23).

Freedom doesn’t come from gripping tighter or running faster. It comes from trusting deeper and resting in the presence of Jesus. When the urge to control or escape rises up, here’s a simple way to help young people pause and turn toward Jesus instead.

A Simple Practice: R.E.S.T.

R — Return

“Jesus, I return to You.”

Place a hand on the chest, slow your breath (4 in, 4 hold, 6 out) to settle your body in His presence.

E — Expose

Name what’s real: “I feel ___ (lonely, angry, overwhelmed). I want to control/escape by ___.”

Bring it into the light—no spin, no shame.

S — Surrender

Pray: “I yield this moment, my body, and my desires to Your Lordship. Lead me by Your Spirit.” (Rom. 12:1; Gal. 5:16)

T — Take & Trust

Receive truth (one verse) and take one healthy action.

• Truth ideas: Jn. 15:9; Ps. 34:5; 1 Cor. 10:13; Phil. 4:6–7

• Action ideas (choose one): text an accountability friend, step outside for a 5-minute walk, 10 push-ups + worship song, journal 5 lines of gratitude, glass of water + pray the Lord’s Prayer.

Repeat R.E.S.T. as often as needed. Presence > perfection.

Here are a few practical ways to walk with youth in this area:

• Control Inventory: Have them write down where they grasp for control and create “surrender swaps” for each.

Example:

Control - Needing everyone’s approval

Swap - Pray and remind myself, “My identity is secure in God’s love, not in people’s opinions".

• Escape Route Map: Help them draw two paths—what escape looks like vs. what abiding looks like—and post it somewhere visible.

• Two Contacts + One Practice: Encourage them to commit to 2 safe people they’ll reach out to, and 1 daily rhythm of connection with God.

Porn is not the real refuge, it’s only a shadow. Jesus is the true refuge.

Next week, we’ll close out this series with a powerful truth: the shift from coping to communion and how this revelation unlocks lasting freedom.

With aloha,

The Explicit Movement ʻOhana