Do You Struggle with Feeling Inadequate?

By Mikela Kobayashi

The Following is an Excerpt from the Explicit 21-Day Journal...

I knew all the statistics about sexually transmitted infections, teen pregnancy, and contraceptives. However, no one prepared me for the emotional damage that accompanied sex before marriage.

I was a sophomore in high school when I got into my first relationship. He was kind and funny, so naturally I was attracted to him. Several months into our relationship, we started becoming more physical. At the same time, the older girls in my dance classes would tell stories about what they did with their boyfriends and encouraged me that as long as I loved my boyfriend, it was okay to adventure further.

So, we did.

What those girls did not prepare me for was the amount of jealousy, self-doubt, and attachment that would come with giving up my virginity. Then, it got worse. One morning during my senior year, I was chatting with my girlfriends before school when I got the news that my boyfriend had been sleeping with another girl! At that moment, I lost all self-control and let my whole world crumble to the ground. I had never felt such intense pain, anger, or betrayal.

For years afterwards, I would look into the mirror and see someone who was inadequate, forgotten, slutty, damaged goods, and unwanted. Yet my heart was still so desperate to be loved.

As I entered into my first years of college, I also entered into new relationships. Except this time, I developed friendships with faithful young women who genuinely loved Jesus. Being around these women challenged me to meet this Jesus they loved so much. Once I let Jesus into my heart, I was conflicted with a choice to either continue to live by my hopeless identity and lifestyle or to plunge 100% into a life with Jesus. I remember the moment I sat in my green Honda Civic with tears flooding from my eyes, crying out to Jesus saying, “I don’t want to live a double life anymore! I want You, Jesus!

As I took a step towards Jesus, I also took a step towards vulnerability and healing. I let Jesus

come into the deepest, most embarrassing parts of my heart so He could heal it. On this journey of healing, I traded the attributes I believed about myself for the truth of who He said I was. I traded inadequate for worthy. Forgotten for important. Slutty for pure. Damaged goods for beauty. Unwanted for loved much.

You too can make this trade. I want you to know, there is nothing that is unforgivable. There’s no secret too deep, no lie too heavy, no fear too powerful that Jesus cannot heal and restore. Take a step towards Jesus. Trust Him. Make the great exchange.