Are We Raising a Numb Generation?

Aloha Friends,

What Are We Trying Not to Feel?

It seems that we have become very good at helping ourselves feel better without necessarily becoming better.

There is something I have been thinking about as we continue looking beneath the surface of some of the struggles our young people are facing today. Quite frankly, this may be true for most of us.

When we are lonely, we can reach for our phones.

When we are bored, we can find endless entertainment.

When we feel rejected, we can search for someone online who will give us attention.

When we are anxious or overwhelmed, we can disappear into a screen, a game, a relationship, pornography, food, work or almost anything else that gives us a momentary sense of relief.

Our young people have grown up in a world where distraction is always within reach, and I wonder if we have stopped asking an important question: What are we trying not to feel?

I don't ask that question to excuse unhealthy or sinful behavior. I believe the opposite is true. If we want to help our children develop wisdom and self-control, we need to understand what is happening beneath the behavior. Otherwise, we may spend all of our energy trying to stop something without ever addressing the reason the young person keeps reaching for it.

King David was not afraid to feel.

One of the reasons I love the Psalms is that David doesn't seem to have received the memo that faithful people are supposed to have everything together. He was a warrior and a king who experienced tremendous victories, but he also experienced betrayal, rejection, grief, fear and failure. When we read his words, we see a man who was willing to acknowledge what was happening inside of him.

In Psalm 42, David asks,

“Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me?”

I find that question remarkable.

David doesn't tell himself that he shouldn't feel discouraged. He doesn't pretend that everything is fine. He actually stops long enough to acknowledge what is happening within his own soul.

Then he reminds himself where to take it:

“Hope in God.”

There is something here that I believe our young people desperately need to learn.

God did not create us to be emotionless.

He created us to experience joy and sorrow, peace and fear, love and grief. Our emotions are part of what makes us human. They can certainly become disordered, and they should not be allowed to rule us, but neither should we be taught to simply suppress them.

Sometimes, without meaning to, we communicate to young people that certain emotions are unacceptable. We may become uncomfortable when our children are angry, confused, sad, afraid or struggling with questions about their identity, relationships or sexuality. And what happens when a young person learns that certain parts of their inner world make the adults around them uncomfortable?

They may stop talking.

And when they stop talking, they often find somewhere else to take what they are feeling.

Perhaps our first task is not to teach our young people how to avoid difficult emotions. Perhaps we need to teach them that they can bring those emotions into the presence of God. Maybe we need to learn how to do that as well.

David shows us how.

He acknowledges his troubled soul, but he doesn't remain there. He brings his emotions into conversation with God and reminds himself of what is true.

We can teach our children to do the same.

When they are lonely, they can tell God they are lonely. When they are afraid, they can tell Him they are afraid. When they are ashamed, they can come into His presence rather than hiding from Him.

And perhaps most importantly, we can show them that they can come to us.

A Simple Family Practice: “What Are You Feeling?”

This week, set aside a few minutes as a family and ask each person to name one emotion they have experienced recently. There is no need to explain it or fix it. Simply give each person permission to say, “I felt sad,” “I felt angry,” “I felt lonely,” “I felt afraid,” or “I felt ashamed.”

Then ask one simple question:

“What do you think you needed in that moment?”

Listen without immediately correcting, teaching or solving. Then take a few minutes to bring those feelings to God together in prayer.

This simple practice teaches our children something important: their emotions do not have to be hidden, and they don't have to face them alone. We cannot protect our children from every difficult emotion they will experience. But we can teach them where to take those emotions.

We were not created to be numb. We were created to be fully alive in relationship with our Creator and with one another.

In this new series, we will dig into the roots of numbness and emotional avoidance so we can better understand what our young people may be experiencing and help them cultivate a healthy, whole and rooted inner life.

Sincerely,

Your Explicit Movement 'Ohana