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Affirming our Kids in their Godly Gender Identity

The importance of gender affirmation in a gender non-conforming culture.

Hey Everyone,

I'm excited to share this very helpful article by Explicit team member Joshua Kaina on how to affirm and encourage our children in their gender identity. Joshua has an incredible testimony as speaks with great compassion and authority on this very important topic!



By the grace of God, I have been walking in gender wholeness as a man for the past six years, completely delivered and healed from 30 years of gender dysphoria. However, I am still learning about the roots and wounds that helped form my gay and transgendered identity.

There was no shortage of affirmation growing up regarding my male identity. I was the first male grandson on both sides of my family and they both had hopes and dreams for this big, broad-shouldered child. However, I learned something recently while reading Growth Into Manhood by Alan Medinger, an ex-gay pastor and ministry leader (highly recommend this for men struggling with unwanted same-sex attraction).

He writes, “First, like a boy, we must be affirmed by men; they are the ones we still see as having the authority to affirm manhood. And like it or not, like a boy, affirmation must come from what we do.”

Gender affirmation needs to come from adults of the same gender who also model healthy masculinity or femininity.

Gender affirmation needs to come from what the child does that aligns with those healthy standards of masculinity and femininity. Simply affirming a child as a good little boy or girl or other hollow compliments is not enough.

The Bible is a great place to find those healthy standards since God is the one who made men and women, not society or culture. Jesus and his interaction with the church, or bride, is a great place to start (Ephesians 5).

You may have a son who expresses interest in activities or hobbies that your culture may deem feminine or a girl who expresses interests in more masculine things. This does not mean they will grow up to be transgendered or even gay/lesbian. However, the current culture and societal pressures to “live your authentic truth” and “embrace gender non-conformity” will make it much easier for your child to adopt the idea that he/she is LGBTQ+.

Modeling and affirming healthy masculinity and femininity is one of the many things you can do from birth through development to help your children embrace their God-given and BLESSED identity as male or female.

Some examples of affirmation may look like:

Your son does something protective like defend a younger sibling from a bully on the playground. That is an excellent moment to affirm him as a protector and it could sound like, “Son, I am so proud of you. God created men to be strong and brave to protect their family and you did just that! What a strong little man, you are!”.

A daughter, while playing rough with the boys may respond to someone with an injury in a nurturing manner and that is a great opportunity to affirm her femininity. “Daughter, I love the way you stopped to help care for your injured friend in such a nurturing way. God created women to be excellent nurturers and you did just that!”

There is much more that can and should be said on this topic, but I hope this encourages you to look for opportunities to genuinely edify and affirm the young people in your life.

Please note, this is a topic we will be talking about more frequently across our social media platforms so make sure you are following us at the links below!

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